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THE WORST ESTATE AGENT JOKES
Question: What is the difference between a
single sperm and an estate agent?
Answer: A single
sperm has a one in three million chance of becoming a decent human
being.
After a difficult and protracted sale, the new
owners finally moved in and the estate agent wanted to send flowers to
congratulate them. The flowers arrived but the owners were shocked to
read the card, which said: "Rest in Peace". The owners complained to
the agent who, in turn, called the florist to protest about the mistake
they had made. The florist said: "I am very very sorry sir, but rather
than getting angry, think of the funeral taking place today that has
flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new home".
Two estate agents are sitting
in their office and listening to the news on the radio during their
lunch break. The newsreader explains how the Americans have managed to
create a bomb that destroys people, but leaves buildings intact.
"That's nothing new, we've had that in England for years," says one to
the other. "It's called a mortgage!"
Question: What do you call 20
estate agents chained together at the bottom of the sea?
Answer:
A damn good start.
Question: How can you tell
when an estate agent is lying?
Answer:
His lips move.
London estate agent to young
couple who explain that they are first-time buyers: "Oh, it isn't often
we see your type in these offices, well, this is how it works ... first
you tell me how much you can afford, then we can all have a good laugh
about it, and we can go on from there."
An estate agent parks his
brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his
colleagues. As he is getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding
along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.
The estate agent grabs his mobile phone and calls the police. Five
minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to
ask any questions, the agent screams hysterically: "My Porsche, my
beautiful silver Porsche is ruined." The policeman shakes his head in
disgust: "I can't believe how bloody materialistic you estate agents
are. You're so focussed on your possessions, you don't notice anything
else in your life." The agent retorts: "How can you say that, at a time
like this?" The policeman replies: "Didn't you realise that your right
arm had been torn from your body when the truck hit you?" The estate
agent looks down in absolute horror .... "Oh no," he screams. "My
Rolex, my gorgeous gold Rolex!"
Five estate agents are buried
up to their necks in sand. What is needed to resolve this situation?
Answer: More sand.
Question: What do Estate
Agents use for birth control?
Answer: Their personalities!
Question: What do you get if
you cross a Pig with an Estate Agent?
Answer: Nothing...there's some
things that even a pig won't do!
Q. Why won't a shark bite an estate agent?
Answer: Professional courtessy!
An Estate Agent, a Jew and a
Hindu survive a plane crash and are walking along trying to find
shelter. They stumble across a farm and beg the farmer to put them up.
"I've only got two spare rooms" says the Farmer, "so one of you will
have to bed down in the barn". The Jew agrees to take the barn but
after ten minutes, knocks at the Farm house door... "Look, I'm sorry
but there's a pig in the barn. Pig's are sacred animals to us. That's
why we don't eat pork". On hearing this, the Hindu decides he'll swop
places with the Jew, but after another ten minutes, there's another
knock on the door. "Look I'm really sorry, but there's a cow in the
barn. I couldn't possibly share a room with a cow as we hold cows
sacred in our religion.". On hearing this, the Estate Agent agrees to
take the place in the barn. Ten minutes later, there's another knock at the
door and there standing at the entrance is the pig and the cow ... !
If you have better (or even worse) jokes about
estate agents, please SEND them to me.
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